Come On, Baby, Light My Fire….

Image of a diary and pen.
For my eyes only! And if you’re reading this, you’ve already read TOO MUCH!

I started writing in a diary when I was about thirteen (although even then my manly hubris insisted I call it a journal). I went through two or three. But one day it abruptly dawned on me, like a splash of ice cold water followed by a bolt of lightning…what if some random stranger stumbled upon my highly classified tomes and perused my deepest, darkest confessions unto the void? Or worse, one of my arch nemeses? Oh God, for that matter, ANYONE but me that might uncover and hungrily delve into my annuls of self-recrimination and expose my indiscretions to the world with frightening glee.

I quickly became petrified with horror at the prospect. Keep reading

Squirrels Are So Cute…From A Distance: Pt. 3

Continued from Squirrels Are So Cute…From A Distance: Pt. 1 and Squirrels Are So Cute…From A Distance: Pt. 2

Determined squirrel digging in its heels for battle.
”If I’m going down, I’m taking you with me!”

“Move! Move! Get out the way…!” I warned as the fleet-footed animal burst out of the master bedroom and down the hall, where I expected it to dash down the stairs and hopefully out the front door (I’d asked mom to leave the door open a moment ago).

“Aiiieeee! There it is…!” mom shrieked as she jumped back behind the living sofa downstairs.

“Where….? Where’d it go!”Aunty Vee craned her neck to catch sight of the little critter. Thankfully, she had also retreated downstairs to watch out for the squirrel’s anticipated exodus.

“Oh no! No, no, no…!” I griped as I watched the stubborn little rodent dash straight down the hall and into the bathroom instead of making the sharp right down the stairs as I had fully hoped and expected.

“Do you see it….?” mom croaked, pressing her cupped hands against her cheeks as she recoiled farther into the corner behind her. “Where did it go!”

“Don’t worry…I got this!” I waved assuringly with my right hand as I charged toward the bathroom with the broom clutched tightly in my other. Keep reading

Squirrels Are So Cute…From A Distance: Pt. 2

Continued from “Squirrels Are So Cute…From A Distance: Pt. 1”

Standing squirrel gesturing for restraint.
“Okay, okay! Let’s everybody just take it down a nut…Let’s deal with this like civilized men!”

“Wait… are you sure  it’s in there…?” my mother hovered trepidly, half in and half out the second bedroom door, peeking out as though she worried the furry critter might overhear her.

My mother wears glasses–the kind with large frames. So I wasn’t sure how much of her wide-eyed look of apprehension was attributable to the size of the lens. But clearly she was already starting to not do so well against this sudden threat to the sanctity of her emotional equilibrium.

“Yes, mom, absolutely positive, unless it’s already burrowed its way through the wall into your room…”

Oh God…why did I say that? Keep reading

Squirrels Are So Cute…From A Distance: Pt. 1

Squirrel ready for the attack.
“Don’t make me hurt you…!”

A couple of months or so ago, I dealt with a little situation at my aunt’s house involving squirrels. The unexpected experience drastically and forever altered my view of those erstwhile cuddly looking creatures. It’s not something I’d advise anyone to go through if you can avoid it–especially if you have issues with nerves.

Here is that story. Keep reading

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Walking by Faith

Every day is a battle. Every one is a challenge. Being a Christian, being saved by Christ, doesn’t make our time in this world a cake walk (ask any saved person striving to serve the Lord and I’m sure they’ll agree). But knowing God, having Him in your heart, makes it possible to experience a life, a joy, a peace, and a freedom that people who don’t know God are constantly Read more

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The Bankruptcy of the Film Industry

More and more, it seems like every other film and/or TV show that comes out these days is a remake, reboot, retelling, or rehash of productions that have already been made. I’m old enough to appreciate just how ridiculous this is. And I gotta say, it’s almost enough to make me wanna  run away and start selling coconut milkshakes in the Sahara Desert. It would be less exasperating.

panic

Let’s see… Read more

Shag Rug Monster 100

Shag Rug Monster: Part III (Conclusion)

Concluded From:

Shag Rug Monster: Part I

Shag Rug Monster: Part II


11:47pm. That night.

“What the hell…? Where’s the house!” cried Wendy as she squinted through the car door window on the passenger side. “It’s like a…a black hole…”

Rachel leaned forward, gripping the steering wheel, and strained to look past Wendy’s long mane of blonde hair.

“Move back, damn it–I can’t see!” she snapped, struggling to catch sight of Malissa’s house. “What the…?”

“See…? I told you. Malissa’s house is gone! What the fu–“

“Stop it, Wendy!” chided Rachel. “Don’t be stupid. Of course it’s there! We just can’t see it behind all that…that….”

“That what…! WHAT, Rachel?” Wendy snapped her head around, flinging a clear look of distress at her friend before whipping her gaze right again and jabbing her finger emphatically at the glass. “You tell me then–what the hell is that!”

Reflexively, Rachel opened her mouth to toss back some smart retort but quickly realized she didn’t know what to say. Her face contorted, silently conceding she didn’t know what she was looking at. Or wasn’t looking at.

“Come on, let’s go,” Rachel said, pushing open the driver’s side door.

“What…? Out there…?” Wendy croaked, whipping her head around and glaring as though she had just been asked to dip her big toe into a lagoon filled with writhing alligators. “You gotta be freaking kidding me! I’m not going over there!”

“Yes, you are, Wendy…and so am I,” Keep reading